Going home
by Mariion
Summary: Surrounded by her pack, Arya should feel happy to finally be home again. And yet, she feels like a stranger in her own home.
1. Chapter 1 :A girl is Arya Stark

**Part One**

_"__A girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell and I'm going home."_

And home she was, wrapped in the arms of her most beloved sibling. She could feel Jon's smile so she smiled too though her smile was a sad one. She had let herself imagine how her reunion with Jon would be since the moment she had decided to postpone her revenge to go North. She had pictured many different ways. She had waited for the emotion to overcome her as they would be face to face. If there was one thing she didn't expect it was her absence of emotion. Even as she hugged her dear brother and was fiercely hugged against his heart, she felt nothing but the same numbness that echoed in her heart since she had left Westeros years ago. She shut her eyes not to cry. She had been certain that she would truly and completely be Arya Stark again once she would have met Jon again. She had been sure that seeing her favorite brother again would open her heart and make like they were never apart. But it wasn't. Nothing could erase what they'd been through. She felt like a fraud in her own home. Maybe she had really become No One after all. Her fingers grasped Jon's cloak and she inhaled his smell, looking for memories but nothing. Of course, she remembered how he would mess her hair and call her "little sister" but it felt like those memories weren't as powerful as they used to be. She changed, she had to. Maybe she lost herself on her way home but maybe she didn't have a choice. The Arya Stark of Winterfell who wanted to learn water-dancing and who saw her father beheaded, she probably wouldn't have last long. Too vulnerable, too short-tempered. For the first time in years, she feared the one she had become. No, she feared the disappointment that would darken his brother's eyes. Because from the way he hugged her, he was hoping to have his innocent, ten-years old little sister back. Clearly he wasn't hoping for a bloody assassin.

Arya's smile faded as she opened her eyes. She had been wrong. This wasn't home. It hadn't been her home for years, she'd just hung on a dream to give her a purpose.

Clenched against her brother's chest, she had never felt more alone and the numbness in her heart never so strong.

_To be continued… _


	2. Chapter 2 : As m'lady commands

_**NB : **__Thanks for reading the first chapter, I hope you'll also like this one. Do not hesitate to leave a comment, I welcome any advice and opinion specially because I'm not that used to write in English! _

_sweetjenndagz : thanks for taking the time to write a review! Hope you'll enjoy this chapter!_

_**Enjoy your reading!**_

**Part Two **

She had felt dead inside for so long that she first didn't understand why her heart had stung when she saw him entering Winterfell. For the first in what felt like forever, she had felt something and she had no idea why. How seeing that stupid bull could make her happier than seeing Jon? It couldn't be. He wasn't even a member of her pack. She once had wanted him to be but he had left her. Once again, her heart stung. She didn't like it.

She was on her way to forge before she could talk herself out of it. Plus, she needed a weapon. She had no idea what she was going to say when she would enter in the forge. _Hi? Happy you're alive ? Stupid bull? _

Nothing seemed to fit the occasion. She went with a _"leave him be"_ to the Hound. Basic. He turned to her but her gaze met Gendry's and time froze. She needed a few seconds to realize the Hound was talking to her.

_"__First I robbed you."_ She replied without lowering her glare.

She did indeed; she thought he was going to die and wouldn't need the money. She would. She didn't even shrugged when he called her _"cold little bitch"_ before getting out. He was kind of right. Not on the "bitch" part, but she definitely couldn't deny the "cold" one.

They stared at each other for a while. Gendry seemed to believe she would disappear if he blinked so he was staring at her with his big, opened, blue eyes. Arya chewed on her lower lip and her mouth spoke. She talked about the ax he had made for the Hound.

_"__I mean you look… good."_

She didn't look away at his words but she could feel something shatter inside of her, something beginning to crack. There was something in the way he looked at her that made her feel herself again. Like Arya Stark. Not the little girl he had travelled with but the grown-up woman who despite everything she went through is still a wolf.

Before she could think of it, they had fallen back in their old antics. He had called her "m'lady" and it still got on her nerves. She still hated that. Maybe her old self wasn't so far away.

She smiled. And this time, her smile was real and reached her eyes. When he turned towards her, his eyes shining from chuckling, she felt closer to home than she ever felt in years.

_To be continued… _


	3. Chapter 3 : Not today

**NB : **I hope you still like the story! I try to post a new chapter every other day but since I'm not a native in english, the release may take some time! Again I apologize for the mistakes you'll find, hopefully they won't be too many of them. Feel free to leave a review, I love them! :D Enjoy your reading!

**Part Three **

Gendry was snoring beside her and though she felt spent and tired, she couldn't sleep. His hand was holding hers but she didn't dislike that as much as she thought she would. In a few hours will begin the fight of her life against the dead and instead of getting rest, she was thinking.

She had come to accept her upcoming death but before it happened, she had wanted to feel alive. Just one more time. So she had come to him. Because it was when she was bickering with him she felt the more alive. She just had wanted to feel that one more time because all she had known those past few years was revenge and blood. She had come to him and had asked him to bed her. She didn't really ask anything actually but she showed. She was rather explicit. She had kissed him, grabbed his neck to make him lean towards and had smiled when she had heard him moan against her lips. So he had bedded her or she had bedded him. It was supposed to be something… relieving and practical. Enjoyable too. But she didn't expect to like it that much.

She had loved his calloused hands on her skin, she had loved the way he had looked at her like she was some kind of treasure, she had loved the heat she had felt as his lips were travelling on her body. She had loved discovering his body with her hands and her mouth; she had loved hearing him moan and the way his eyes would darken when he reached his pleasure. Most of all, she had love it when he had said her name. Arya.

For the first time in years, she had almost felt like crying because she had felt alive. She hadn't felt so lost then, she had felt found. He had found her.

And it scared the hell out of her.

Because she wasn't supposed to care. Before she slept with Gendry, she didn't fear death. And now, she wanted to live. She wanted to feel that alive again. And she wasn't sure to like the fact that her feeling to be alive would actually depend on someone.

It was a shame she had come to realize that life was so much more than revenge and death just when death was coming to greet her.

_"__What do we say to the God of Death?"_

She still knew the answer after all these years though she was pretty sure the Night King and his lieutenants wouldn't take "Not today" for an answer.

No way.

She wanted to hope Gendry would survive though. But she wasn't a lady neither she was an optimistic.

They'll be dead before the sun rises.

_To be continued… _


	4. Chapter 4 : That's not me

**NB : **Thank you for leaving comments and/or following/favoriting my story. It really means a lot. I plan seven chapters for the fic, so just three left! I hope you'll enjoy this chapter and hopefully the next one will be out soon.

**Part Four**

She knew everyone was feasting in the Great Hall –after all, it wasn't every day Death and its army were defeated- but she couldn't bring herself to join them. She didn't want all the attention that came with killing the Night King. So there she was, in the courtyard, practicing her bow. In the middle of the night. It was actually more of an excuse she had found to think.

She had been so convinced she was going to die and yet she was still here, breathing. Her ribs still hurt a little at every breath, just like to remind her so. She was alive and it felt like an enormous mistake. She more or less had planned on fiercely dying fighting the dead and her being alive felt like a fraud. And her actions of the night before came with an all new meaning. She had slept with Gendry. Because she was sure she was about to die.

And she didn't.

She shot an arrow. It reached the target.

She had been so relieved not to see him among the fallen she got scared. She didn't want to feel that much. Whatever he made her feel, it was always too much for her to bear. So she tried to tell herself it was just a silly inclination. And she would repeat so until she was fully convinced.

She couldn't give what he wanted, not that they ever took the time to talk about that but she knew he would want a family. And a family she couldn't give it to him. There was a time she had thought it would be possible.

_"__You wouldn't be m'lady."_ He had replied.

It had hurt her more than she would care to admit. She shot another arrow.

_"__Don't shoot."_

She froze and lowered her bow while Gendry came closer.

He seemed happy. He had a big large grin on his face, his eyes were shining and he might have been slightly drunk.

_"__Shouldn't you be celebrating?"_

She was. He told her he was too because he no longer was Gendry Rivers –she'd never bothered to tell him his name was Waters- but Gendry Baratheon.

She felt her lips forming a smile before she could think but she was truly happy for him. Having grown up with a bastard, she could guess the importance of having a name.

And then, it all went wrong. He had kissed her soundly on the lips while pulling her to him and she had kissed him back.

_"__None of it would matter if you're not with me."_

None of them looked away as he got down on one knee and as Arya stared at him, stunned.

_"__Be with me. Be the lady of Storm's End."_

What had frightened her at that moment was she actually could picture it. Not precisely the lady part but their life together. It felt so perfect it made her heart ache. Because it felt like home. Something she hadn't felt in years. She could picture something else beside the next name on her list. And then she froze again. Because she had remembered she wasn't done yet. She still had a list, it was the path she had chosen years ago, it had driven her for so long she couldn't really imagine not fulfilling it.

She saw the hope in Gendry's eyes and for a moment was at loss of words. She quickly understood she had to be careful about what she was going to tell him. Because he had lost her once and she could see in his eyes he would throw everything away just to stay by her side. And the path she had chosen was hers and only hers and it had only one destination: death.

Gendry deserved to live. So she kneeled in front of him and kissed him with all the passion she felt because it was probably the last time she could. Never parting their lips, she helped him on his feet again.

She barely understood what she was saying and from the look on Gendry's face, he barely listened after getting it was a rejection.

_"__I'm not a lady. I've never been."_

She couldn't bring herself to add she'll never be one. So she turned her back on him, not because she was unable to bear the hurt in his eyes but more because she didn't want him to see the same pain in hers.

He eventually left and Arya let a tear roll down her face. For the happy ending she'll never know and she never knew she wanted.

_To be continued… _


	5. Chapter 5 : You come with me, you die

**NB : **Thank you again for reading and following that story. I'm glad you like it! Sorry for the delay but I had lots of trouble writing this chapter. Anyways, thanks for your support and enjoy!

**Part Five**

_Blinded by the ashes and half-deafened by the people's screaming, she kept running. Never had she run so fast in her life. Not even to escape the waif, not even to escape the Wights. Her lungs were burning so much in her chest she felt afraid they would explode. She couldn't feel her legs anymore and had no idea how she could, physically, still be running. More than once she had tripped over a rock, or worse, over a corpse. There were dead bodies everywhere. She could feel the hotness of the flames behind her, chasing her and spreading to catch her. Her pants were torn and burnt, revealing her already scarred and burnt calves. She didn't recognize the scared sounds she was making as running. The streets formed an endless maze and the houses were no more than ruins, coffins that had trapped theirs owners under tons of stones. And then, time froze. She heard him before seeing him. She felt his dark wing brush her side with enough strength to push her to the ground. By the time she could get back on her feet, the dragon was there. He was standing, huge and dark, a few feet away from her. His wings flapped around his enormous body sounding almost like thunder. She could feel his gaze on her and when he opened his mouth, she knew what was coming. Fire. _

000

She woke up suddenly, flapping her arms as she still could feel the flames on her skin and screaming. She needed a few seconds to realize she wasn't in King's Landing. She was on her way to Winterfell. She had been able to escape. She nervously looked around her but she was alone in the forest. The night was dark and cold. She had been riding for three days. As she tried to calm down, she remembered her ride south with the Hound. They both had some unfinished business in King's Landings.

_"__Not planning on going back." _He had said.

_"__Neither do I."_ she had replied.

Now, Sandor was dead and she was going back home, as frightened as a child. She went South to accomplish one last thing and she couldn't do it. She had dreamed for so long to kill Cersei, to stab her, to see life escaping her eyes and her body.

But she finally understood. Sandor made her understand. Killing her would never undo the wrong done to her family, it would never bring her father back. It would never bring her back. She had lost herself to survive, she had become an empty shell or tried to become one just to never feel again the agony she had felt every time someone she had cared about had been taken away from her. For so long, she had thought the only path for her was revenge, leading to a most certain death, and it had been, but maybe it wasn't the only path anymore. She didn't want to die and maybe she did deserve to live. Maybe she could be someone. Maybe she could become what the young Arya Stark had once wanted to become. For the first in like forever, she had tried to remember what she used to want to become as a child but she couldn't, she had been running away from her memories for so long. But she could remember the yearning for adventure. Maybe she could actually become ore than the killer she was.

Suddenly, she wasn't as tired anymore. She wasn't even scared. But she knew what she had to do. She had to go back to King's Landing. Not for revenge. For her pack. She had tried to convince herself he had chosen his queen over his family and that had been his mistake, but he was her brother. Or her cousin. Anyways. He was her pack and she couldn't turn her back on him. She had met him after the end of the battle, when there was nothing left to burn, after his Queen had delivered her very martial speech. She'd never seen her brother so lost, so torn. She hadn't even wanted to say "we told you so". She had been concerned for him because he had still seemed to have faith in her. So she had warned him. He would always be a threat.

_"__I know a killer when I see one."_

Because she's a killer herself, though she had kept that part to herself. Jon had told he would take care of it and she had wanted to believe him. So she had left. She was done. She had shed enough blood for the rest of her life and she had wanted to go back to Winterfell. He had understood and had nodded. She had left. But whether he could take care of the Queen or not, Arya knew he would eventually need her. So there was no choice to make.

She grabbed her horse's rein as she stood. The animal looked at her and Arya could've sworn he understood.

_"__Let's go back."_ She whispered.

To be continued...


	6. Chapter 6 : What's west of Westeros?

_**NB : **__Thank you so much for following that story, I'm glad you like it and took the time to comment and/or follow! I hope you'll enjoy that chapter as well!_

**Part Six**

Arya closed the door behind her and leaned against the wood for a moment. Saying farewell to her favorite brother was still exhausting and heartbreaking. He had just left for the Wall, where he had been sentenced to spend the rest of his life. Arya clenched her fist. That was so unfair. Jon saved everyone in Westeros when he had stabbed the Dragon Queen and yet he was punished for that. She had blamed him for bending the knee, she admitted, and for agreeing to everything the Dragon Queen had wanted, that was true, but as far as she was concerned, her brother had redeemed himself. She also knew that her brother –or cousin, whatever, he would always be her brother- belonged beyond the Wall surrounded by people who saw him as who he really was. A hero.

She hoped he would find some happiness, he deserved it.

Living was more than breathing, she knew that now. She knew it was what Sandor had meant when he had told her to live. And she would do that. After all, her pack was safe now. Sansa was Queen in the North, Bran had been elected king of the Six Kingdoms –Arya had to admit she had no idea of how it could be possible but as long as it brought peace, she would support that choice- and Jon had just left for the Wall or what was left of the Wall, at least.

He almost had tears in his eyes when she had told him she wasn't going back to Winterfell. She had told she was going to see what's west of Westeros. Sansa and Jon were surprised and Bran probably knew it even before the idea was born in Arya's mind. Going there felt right.

Arya sat at the table, sighed and poured herself some wine. A few minutes later she was joined by her sister, she must have had been packing, she was to leave in the next morning.

_"__West of Westeros? Really?"_

Arya gave Sansa a glass of wine. She knew it was going to be a long conversation.

_"__Really. I need to live."_

Sansa looked at her quizzically.

_"__What's wrong about living here? It's our home."_

Arya's smile faded. Westeros didn't feel like home anymore and neither did Winterfell. She finally understood her home wasn't a place. Her home was the people she loved. Sansa. Bran. Jon. Gendry.

Her heart ached a little as she thought of her friend and the way she had broken his heart in Winterfell. It took her some time to admit she was leaving for him as well. He had proposed to her and given her everything he had but for now, she only had herself to give in return. For now she was just an assassin but she wanted to become so much more than that. For Gendry but most of all, for herself.

She tried to explain everything to Sansa and almost regretted it when she saw Sansa's eyes sparkle at the mention of the proposal.

_"__My… I didn't even know you knew the lord of Storm's End."_

So Arya told her their story.

_"__You've loved him for all these years?"_

Arya stiffened. Of course not.

Or maybe yes. She just didn't know at the time and to be honest, at the time, she had far more important occupations than falling in love with her friend, like surviving. But she was done surviving, she wanted to live.

Sansa sighed and grabbed her hand.

_"__I'm happy you go wherever you want to go but… I fought hard to have our home back and I hate I'll be living there alone."_

Arya squeezed her hand.

_"__You'll be an amazing queen. That's what you were born to be."_

Sansa nodded.

_"__And you'll be a fantastic explorer."_

Arya never felt closer to her sister; they really had grown a lot since they were kids. Sometimes Arya could barely believe how close they had grown.

_"__I was going to appoint you head of the Queen's guard but I'll have to find a replacement… Do you want the position when you'll come back?"_

She smiled.

_"__No need. I would have another position at Storm's End when I'll come back."_

She wasn't worried about that. He had left her first and then he had found her; now it was her turn to leave and she knew she would find him again.

**_To be continued… _**


	7. Chapter 7 : I can be your family

_**NB : **__Thank you all for following that story. I hope you enjoyed it :) This is the last chapter! Hope you'll like it! Feel free to comment, it's always nice to have some feedback! _

**Part Seven**

It took her seven years to fulfill her desire of adventure and one more year for the travel back, once she had realized that the aching in her heart as she was staring at the sunset over the Alrean sea –a sea far west of Westeros she had named after the first explorer who wanted to discover west of Westeros and was lost at sea- was the longing for home.

Her crew hadn't discussed over it and just nodded. Arya was grateful to have such a crew; she loved she had to gain their respect and that her family or her slaying the Night King had nothing to do with how they treated her. After eight months of sailing, they set foot in Westeros again and the aching in her heart smoothened a little. They spent a few weeks in Oldtown as she needed to give the new maps to the Maesters. Sam had been more than interested to hear about everything she saw; he took many notes and Arya wouldn't be surprised if he decided to compel them in a book. She actually liked that idea. After Oldtown, her crew had been certain she would want to sail to King's Landing or to Winterfell.

She had smiled at their surprise, but none of them complained.

_"__We'll be there in three weeks, Captain."_ Tomas had said. _"Though we may need to stop to Tarth for supply."_

Arya had nodded, her mind already wandering and an absent-minded smile on her lips.

000

Arya wouldn't have admitted it for the world but as the coast came closer, her nervousness became stronger. Eight years was a long time after all and though she finally felt whole and herself, maybe he wouldn't want to see her. Maybe she had hurt him too much. She chewed on her bottom lip –she's almost certain she had spent all the journey from Tarth chewing on her lip.

At the moment, it felt like a terrible mistake but she was confused as _it _would refer at coming back to him unannounced or at her leaving without bothering to say goodbye. She assumed she would find out soon. She knew that if the outcome wasn't the one she was hoping for, she would always be welcome to Winterfell and even beyond the former Wall. But it wouldn't be the same. Her happiness wouldn't be the same. But she assumed it would be happiness nonetheless.

Usually, gazing at the waves and hearing the sea was enough to calm her nerves but not this time. She barely heard her second in command reporting they would arrive in less than two hours. She nodded.

Once at Storm's End, they would let _The Sailing Nym_ there as she wouldn't travel anymore. She saw everything she needed to see; she didn't see everything but she saw enough. Now her next adventure will be on Westeros. And she was at peace with that. She had been able to live the way she wanted for years and it had made her incredibly happy but maybe now she could make a little compromise to make him happy too. If he still wanted her. She knew for sure he wasn't married but it didn't mean he had been waiting for her. She never asked him to.

They arrived as the sun was setting and she smiled hearing the "hurray" from the crew. She asked that two of them would stay on the ship to guard it; the rest of the crew would be free to do whatever they wanted. Some will go to the tavern, some will go to the brothels and some will go to both places.

She took a deep breath as she jumped out of the boat.

She took her time to wander in the streets to try to calm her nerves but it wasn't working either so she decided to stop delaying the inevitable. The sooner, the better. She walked to the Castle; it was very different from Winterfell but she could hear the waves against the cliffs and she loved that sound.

She wondered whether she should sneak into the castle or whether she should announce herself. She went with the second one. She approached the guards at the gate.

_"__I wish to see your lord."_ She said, hoping she sounded more confident than she was feeling. _"I wish to see lord Gendry Baratheon."_

000

Storm's End's Great Hall was bigger and darker than Winterfell's. On the grey-stoned walls were displayed the banners of the Baratheon. Black and yellow behind a stag. Two larges tables were settled along the walls. And there was the throne. It was a really imposing one –a large black chair on the top of a stair. Sat on the chair was Gendry Baratheon. Candles weren't lightening enough for her to see his face but she would recognize his silhouette everywhere. His shoulders were broader than the last time; she smiled at the thought of Gendry sneaking out to the forge once in a while. Yearning to see him, she came closer, forgetting immediately her nervousness. He stood and stepped down his sit. They were no more than five feet from each other and yet Arya had to admit she had felt closer to him when she'd been lost in the middle of the ocean. His face was the same though; his black hair had grown longer, like he wore it when they were traveling together –she liked it that way- and his eyes were still dark blue. She used to be able to know what he thought just by looking into his eyes; but now, all she could see was emptiness and she was afraid she was the one who had caused that. Maybe she had broken him.

His face showed no sign he was happy to see her or if he had recognized her. Arya hadn't changed much; she didn't grow taller but she now wore her hair longer. Most of the time they were tied but she sometimes loved having it floating on her shoulders. She still had the same face and the same grey eyes though she had gained two scars: one crossed her right eyebrow and the other her lips. The pirate who did the last one had claimed she talked too much.

The meeting had barely started and yet it wasn't going the way she planned at all. Once again, she chewed on her bottom lip.

_"__M'lord."_ She finally said.

He frowned.

_"__Don't call me that."_

She smiled. After a while, he smiled too though his smile didn't reach his eyes.

_"__Why are you here?"_

She looked at him, right in the eyes.

_"__Last time I saw you, you wanted me to come to Storm's End. I took the long road but…" _she said softly.

Theirs gazes met and this time, she knew for sure he was smiling, even without looking at his lips.

_"__No. Why are you here?"_

Obviously, he wasn't going to make that easier for her. Why should he?

_"__Because I came home."_

He didn't answer.

_"__You are my home, Gendry." _She said, quite confidently.

She thought it would be more difficult to admit. Still, he kept silent and she could feel her confidence shattering down.

_"__I can't be a proper lady, I…"_

_"__I don't care." _He finally cut her.

She ignored him and went on.

_"__I don't want to be a proper lady. I won't sit by the fire knitting. And if someone asks me to, there's a chance I'll stab him with the needles. I won't wear dresses and I'll never be quiet and silent as it's expected from a lady."_

She caught her breath and feeling the ice in his eyes had melted, she stumbled over the words.

_"__I won't be a proper lady but I can be a new kind of lady. I can…"_

She took a deep breath.

_"__I can be your family. If you'll have me, that is."_

Almost immediately, she remembered the last time she had spoken those words to him; he had broken her heart. And now, she was hoping he wouldn't do the same. He kept silent for a long time and though his eyes were never leaving hers, she felt her heart break. Maybe she wasn't enough after all. Maybe she had waited too long.

She looked away.

_"__I'll be going then." _She whispered.

Only that seemed to wake him up.

_"__Wait what? Going where?"_

She looked at him, stunned.

_"__Stay."_ He whispered.

_"__But I thought…"_

He shook his head.

_"__I just want you to be happy."_ He said softly. _"Will you be happy here?"_

She smiled as she nodded.

_"__I'll always be happy when I'm home."_

Then, finally, he moved forward and Arya felt her heart burst with relief and joy. He grabbed her hands and leaned down, touching his forehead to hers.

_"__Then, welcome home… m'lady."_

He chuckled at her frown and she finally smiled.

_"__Thank you for waiting for me… M'lord."_

_And for being my family, _she thought, _my friend, my home. For everything. _

**THE END**


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